withdrawal

a visceral, almost unusual pulsation
but not quite
something like it, maybe
no-
familiarity of the self
breeding contempt
(getting there)
a rejection of my darkest
corners.
(maybe)
jaw-locked
tightly gripped
and crooked lips
repressing a smile
(a kiss)
kicking away at the weight of
the world
(love)
is not for the faint of heart or
spirit, and I give more than
I am ready to take.
(lack thereof)
is familiar familiar familiar
leave me with a black eye and a
chipped tooth for safe keeping
some mementos of my self-inflicted
martyrdom.

because I did not feel I was ready
to touch the ocean floor
just as you weren’t prepared
to tread fickle waters.